The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
