I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
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