just come out here and I will go home with you...
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
