Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
she told me i tasted like america
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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