Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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