Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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