Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
