I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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