Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
