i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
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