You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
