guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
