I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
