I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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