Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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