Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
