Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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