he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
