a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
My feet surprised me
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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