my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
