it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
