he puts the penis in happiness.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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