you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
