i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
