His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
