3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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