The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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