I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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