i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
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