Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
This couple is walking their pig around campus
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
