I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Im part way to drunk.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
