Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
