I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He better not be in your backpack
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
