I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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