She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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