His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
BRING THE BAGELS
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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