Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
