the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
