Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I still have a little drunk in my system
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
