Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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