Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize