I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
