Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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