Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Hippo gnu deer
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
