He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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