If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
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All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
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She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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