Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize