I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
dude i'm inner monologue high
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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