All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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