i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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