this beer tastes like vomit already
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
