Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
