He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
