Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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