You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
