Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
