Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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