I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
