But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
