College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
