Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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