you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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