Cold hands, warm shart.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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