she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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