Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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