So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
