I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
