You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
